Big Hero 6 Abridged
by HeroineCruor
Summary: In which Hiro is an evil mastermind, Baymax is Baymax and co. are meat puppets. Also, Krei and his blue evil suit. Go figure. Rated T for some swearing and some crude/maybe offensive jokes.


**A/N:** **To celebrate the 1 year anniversary of this movie, I hereby give you my own abridged version of it! :P _(andI'mnotsayingthattocoverupthefactthatiworkedonthissincefebruaryanddidn'tfinishituntilnow)_ By the way, everytime you see the work "fog", know that I originally used the f-word there, but I changed it cuz I'm trying to cut down on swearing in my fanfics. Not that you'll see much of that here, anyway...**

 **PS. I know that script format is not allowed, but so isn't lemon, yet there's tons of it on here...Ahem, anyway. If it so happens that they delete this fanfic due to me breaking this rule, then I will change it to their heart's content. There. Now you know.**

 **Ah, well. Read on and enjoy!**

* * *

We now pan over the MAGIC VERSION OF TOKYO (this is getting old), where everything is ASIAN which equals CLICHÉ equals STEREOTYPING EQUALS AWESOME EQUALS COOL. And neon-y and complex and stuff!

We also enter the equivalent of RUSSIAN ROULETTE GAMBLING POKER…RECYCLED WITH ROBOTS IN A BACKALLEY!

FAT UGLY UNLIKABLE GUY/YAMA: Okay, someone want to crush Yama's bot, I crush bot's bones like chopsticks!

CUTE KAWAII ADORABLE BOY/HIRO: Uhmm…Can I try? I have a robot, I built it myself. I have cash.

 **FEMALE AUDIENCE** **: Daww, wookit that cute widdle face!**

 **INSANE SHIPPING AUDIENCE** **: Shotacon.** _ **NOW.**_

YAMA: It's no use betting anyway. You lose, you lose money, you win, I steal your earned money like movie stealing the ideas of Avengers and Fantastic Four! Kid's name?

HIRO: I-I'm Hiro Hamada. I'm the love child of Stephen Hawking and Tony Stark…or, was it Marty McFly and Nikola Tesla? Screw it. In short, I'm a teen prodigy gadget genius who holds the position of protagonism, and my name is pronounced 'Hero' in the USA for added bonus, so I suggest you back the fog off. No offense.

YAMA: Yama not savvy enough to realize cliché. Yama naïvely agrees!

Like they weren't done taking stuff, a loosely remade intro of _We will rock you_ begins playing half-way through.

HIRO KICKS ASS with his SUPER-LAME BOT. NO ONE'S SURPRISED, except for the genre blind people in-universe.

HIRO: Great, now I have finally earned my arrogance.

YAMA: And now I will steal money like movie stealing the ideas of Marvel.

Disney finally got the Brothers Grimm in on their influence after all these years by having Yama's henchmen beat Hiro up.

However, Hiro is saved just barely, like a snowball finding out there's a turn off switch in hell, by his totally awesome amazing kind protective big brother Tadashi. HE'S NOT AS CUTE THOUGH, SO HE'S FORGETTABLE. A BADASS scooter chase follows.

TADASHI: Hiro, seriously, what the actual fog?

HIRO: Shut up, I GOT MONEY! I will want to hit my current self with a lead pipe when I'm older, but whatever, kiss my full moon, law enforcements!

TADASHI: There are many things I want to say right now, but I can sum it up with saying that things are looking sucky to you if you're going to be a likable protagonist.

HIRO: Pfft, righteous traits are for losers, it's enough that I'm 14 and am an anime-messy haired pretty boy with big brown puppy eyes, and I'm rich, and super genius and HOT!

TADASHI: I hate to say it, but touché.

They SUCCEED IN ESCAPING but then they FAIL AND GET LOCKED UP. They later get picked up by their STRESSFUL AUNT.

HORMONE KICK/CASS: Like, what the hell, you little foggy shits! Can't you see you're killing me while I'm raising your arrogant super genius hot faces and you do this to me by gambling with Japanese sumo wrestlers who are off duty? I'm shitting out so many stressful hormones, it's not even funny!

THEY GO UP TO THEIR ROOMS. SHAME ON YOU.

HIRO: Ahh, now finally the tantrum of the night is over. It's the most annoying minutes of my 9 to 5. Let's gamble some more and see how many who will beat me up this time for my smarts and-

TADASHI: Please don't give me that Twilight shit. I'm sick and tired of tending to a spoiled brat like you. Tell me one legitimate reason as to why I should take you to the next bot-fight!

HIRO: I'm suffering the Mufasa-syndrome and I'm a mood-swingy teen unlike you, so you should bend to my whims. I'm nobody's bitch, dammit.

TADASHI: Works for me. Even without mentioning I've suffered the exact same fate as you. Let's go and see how many more hormones we can make her piss.

HIRO: Yay!

They head over to the ILLEGAL BOT-FIGHT OF PIRACY PHOBITION ETC. OF EVIL FOR BAD BOYS, but they first take a stop at THE GOOD, NICE, COLLEGE for NICE BOYS. Talk about wildly different definitions of BOT-FIGHTS.

HIRO: Oh, we're already there? That was fast.

TADASHI: Nah, actually, screw you. I'm taking you here to make you have a change of heart, and to reveal what college can really do to you if you try. Let me introduce you to my classmates.

They ENTER his what Hiro calls "NERD LAB" which is a TAD IRONIC COMING FROM MR. GEEKSTEIN HIMSELF.

HIRO: Since when are _Mythbusters_ having any business with you? Oh wait, you're a gang of misfits in college. They must play an important role later, according to my cliché-radar. What are your names, so I can get it over with?

SOME EMO GIRL: Hi, I'm GoGo, a goth or something, and I'm not your love interest.

SOME BLACK DUDE: Hi, I'm Wasabi, and I'm a neat freak.

SOME DIABETES CUTE CHICK: Hi, I'm Honey Lemon; a failure mutation of Pinkie Pie and Uni-Kitty, and I'm not your love interest.

SOME HIPPIE GUY: Hi, I'm Fred, and I'm useless.

HIRO: Great, got it down. Just wait behind the cameras for a while, I'm gonna take the next dozen shots with my bro.

 **AUDIENCE** **: No love interests?! No objectifying women and making men into lovesick idiots? This is the best movie** _ **ever.**_

 **INSANE SHIPPING AUDIENCE** **: No love interests?! No objectifying women and making men into lovesick idiots? This is the worst movie** _ **ever.**_

 **AUDIENCE** **: Then why are you here? Go watch** _ **How to Train Your Dragon 2.**_

 **INSANE SHIPPING AUDIENCE** **: No! Because Astrid's a disgusting hussy!**

 **AUDIENCE** **: Rage Against The Machine called, they want their hypocrisy back.**

(A/N: I'm sorry, I just had to.)

They get to the part where we see the WHITE FUNNY MUTE GUY FROM THE TRAILER.

HIRO: There are so many jokes I want to crack here, but I don't know where to start.

TADASHI: Let me just begin then; his name is Baymax. He's a cuddly robot nurse who only activates when he hears 'Ouch'. Yeah, we're pretty racist against mute people over here.

HIRO: Alright, I dig that, but…I don't get why you had to make him look like a one night stand between Stay Puft and the Michelin Man?

TADASHI: I'm trying to make him look innocent and harmless, like I said. And he will be your pacifistic guide throughout the movie, because you're too reckless and rebellious to hold your own.

HIRO: You're not giving me enough credit, are you? Anyway, balloon guy. Can you cure stuff like the Mufasa-syndrome?

BAYMAX: What is such a thing?

 **AUDIENCE:** **He talks?!**

HIRO: Man, you suck. Something so stupid couldn't have been put effort into doing.

TADASHI: Any line you say regarding him will bite you in the ass, you know that?

HIRO: Probably. But he runs on fangasm-fuel, is reminiscent of Data from Star Trek, and he will probably run the merchandise department by himself. I just thought that at least someone should break the pattern here.

TADASHI: Fine, smartass. _You_ make an invention as efficient or likable and adorable as mine, _then_ you can crap out of your mouth.

HIRO: Deal!

 **AUDIENCE:** **Where is the soccer ball?!**

Hiro works NONSTOP with his IDEA for a DAY OR SO. Nobody tells him to GET A LIFE. To be fair though, HE'S WORKING TO GET ONE.

Now we cut to the day of the EXHIBITION, where Hiccu-, I mean Hiro, will introduce his MICROBOTS. It all looks like FURNACE OF FUN and will do the trick of MAKING CHILDREN FALL INTO THE COLLEGE TRAP. This may result in the only kiddie action movie that isn't considered EVIL by MORAL GUARDIAN PARENTS.

HIRO: Hi, I'm Hiro, pronounced HE-RO, you inferior imbeciles, and I will show you my new invention that will blow you away! Look at my 14-year old talents, LOOK AT THEM, you much-older idiots. Ehumm, anyway, with these things, you can make anything you want, whenever you want. Your limit is your imagination! So everyone in here who are adults, you've got disadvantage! Let that sink in, suckers! Adults, you suck!

Everyone CLAPS, mostly at their own SINISTER IDEAS of how the MICROBOTS can be used for WRY cause. Hiro gets praised by the colorful group of MISFITS from before.

HIRO: So, uh, how was my speech?

TADASHI: It was great. Especially the part where you said that your invention requires limitless imagination to work. I recall yourself having a great lack of ideas until I gave you a hand.

HIRO: Uh…Uh…I'm an adorable mini-moe!

 **FEMALE AUDIENCE** **: Zing! Burn!**

A MAN in a BLUE EVIL SUIT walks up to them.

CORRUPT CORPORATE EXECUTIVE IN BLUE EVIL SUIT EVILEVILEVIL/KREI: Hi, I'm the head of Krei Tech Covetous Scantiness Like a Boss Inc., and I'm interested in selling your micro-bots for a high price only filthy rich Asian countries could offer for an Asian kid with an equally filthy rich brain.

REASONABLE AUTHORITY FIGURE AND HIRO'S NICE TEACHER GOODGOODGOOD/CALLAGHAN: Don't listen to him. He's just greedy, and he's voiced by Alan Tudyk. Now, how would you like to develop this dangerous invention that could be exploited by megalomaniacs who can finally reach world domination through baby-steps at my school instead? I assure you it's _completely_ safe, but you'll have to work your ass harder to earn a profit with the same margin. But hey, it's worth it 'cause nobility.

HIRO: Sure do! Krei, piss off.

KREI: Why the change of heart? I recall you saying earlier in the movie that you would go illegal lengths for your pretty sponduli.

HIRO: Yes, but now I'm having character development, you blind idiot. You can take your power-seeking covet suggestion and shove it where the shit comes from. Kiss my full moon, non-law enforcements!

KREI: If that's true, then where's your lead pipe?

HIRO: It's in the scooter.

KREI: Hrmm. Fine then, goody-two-shoes. But I'll be back. Krei never quits! Dun-dun-duun!

CALLAGHAN: Glad you made the right choice. I assure you that you won't regret the decision to value hard work over cash, much like the stuck-up jerkass of _Princess and the Frog_. I also assure you that listening to your brother is the way to go, like _Brother Bear_. And-

TADASHI: Cliché Storm! Take cover!

They leave to have a HEARTFELT CONVERSATION outside, attempting to take cover still, by not having it too cliché. Using the word cliché is getting cliché, isn't it?

TADASHI: Listen Hiro. Now I have crossed 'encouragement' off my to-do list, and now I want to say in the bro-code that I love you. _And if I know the internet right, they will willingly misinterpret that in every way possible, not unlike the previous Disney movie._ Anyway, never stop believing in yourself, you can do it, I'm such a nice big brother who's supportive and blah. My work here is done. Toodle-do!

Tadashi willingly goes into a METAPHORICAL HELL FIRE and DIES. Bring ONIONS for EFFECT.

HIRO: Great! Just great! How will the medical department come up with a new name for Bambi's Mom Syndrome times two? Woe is fogging me! Let me cross "dying" of your to-do list for you, bro.

Hiro spends the next scenes being mopey. After all, HE IS THE HEIR TO SIMBA'S WOOBIE THRONE.

Hiro HURTS HIMSELF AS A PLOT POINT, and Baymax is ACTIVATED. And no, he didn't CUT HIMSELF OUT OF DEPRESSION, if that's what you think.

BAYMAX: 'Sup.

HIRO: How convenient. You're on the poster on the movie and you appear. I have the smarts of Da Vinci's donkey and I didn't see this coming.

 **AUDIENCE** **: You're being stingy on giving yourself credit.**

 **FEMALE AUDIENCE** **: *hiss***

 **AUDIENCE** **: Sorry! Sorry.**

BAYMAX: Comical filler, puberty joke, and now I see that your micro-bot wants something.

HIRO: Check it out, or whatever.

Baymax DOES, by causing Disney ARMAGEDDON on the streets.

HIRO: WTF, when I said check it out, I meant the opposite! Man, robots are so stupid for not knowing human complexity!

Hiro chases Baymax and he tracks him down to AN OLD HAUNTED PLACE OR SOMETHING.

HIRO: Man, I thought this was an action movie, not a horror flick. Whatever, if we're going to bust straight into _Coraline_ , who cares. I was near thugs at the beginning of the movie so this will be a blast. But dang, it's locked.

BAYMAX: Look, a window.

HIRO: How convenient.

BAYMAX: Yeah.

HIRO: …I've got nothing. Just shut up and go.

They enter the BARN-LIKE-PLACE-THING and it looks dim, creepy and HOLY SHIT A SWARM OF MICROBOTS CONTROLLED BY JIM CARREY IS CHASING THEM GET THEM AWAY LET'S RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS BARN OH MY GOSH-TASTIC CRAP SAUCE!

HIRO: We gotta tell the police about this super-villain!

BAYMAX: And maybe he's miraculously linked to your brother that passed away?

HIRO: SPLENDID! Let's whip that into the mix too! Yeah, wicked tale! We're so good that if CSI hired us, episodes would be over in seconds. Let's start this action flick and catch that Jim Carrey guy!

BAYMAX: Umm…weren't we going to tell-

HIRO: -the police-what now?

Hiro takes Baymax to his HACKER CAVE OF AWESOME TECHNO PORN to perverse, err, upgrade him into a violent fighter. Hmm…DÉJÀ VU?

HIRO: Contortion experiment nr.1, turning White Barbapapa into an Optimus Prime wannabe. What do you think?

BAYMAX: I get a say? Finally-

HIRO: I agree! Slim those chunks!

BAYMAX: Oh man. I have to wait to say my opinion later to punch sense into you? We could've avoided this whole issue.

HIRO: SHUT UP! I DO WHAT I WANT, IT'S MY LIFE, IT'S MY CHOICE, MY, MY, MY MYSELF, I AND ME ME ME!

BAYMAX: Will it help your mood swings?

HIRO: Duh, revenge will make me feel tons better, I just know it!

BAYMAX: Then you, a mentally instable teenager, must know best. Okay. Let the killing machine transformation begin.

GEE, TADASHI STILL NEEDED TO IMPROVE HIS PROGRAMMING A WHOLE HELL LOT.

They turn Baymax into a...well, you read the previous lines, didn't you?

HIRO: Saw-EET, you're AWN! Let's blow this popsicle stand!

They follow their microbot compass to where the guy in the MASK GUY hides. We all know it's going to go to shit.

MASK GUY: Tally-hoo, motherfogger!

HIRO: Wanna piece o' dis! You no wanna piece o' dis, flunkee dude!

Really go to shit.

Just then, at night, in buttscrew nowhere, the misfits from earlier find Hiro and Baymax not doing anything by pure chance cancer cans.

WASABI: Yaw, mah man, whut you doin out here, like, dude?

PUBERTY JOKE: Yo, dawgie style!

HIRO: Get out of here, dammit! You're in danger!

BAYMAX: Lulz.

HONEY LEMON: We're here for you. We love you. We will never leave you when you need your friends the most.

HIRO: GTFO! Scram! Take a hike!

HONEY LEMON: Yup, we're your friends.

FRED: *Insert useless line here*

JIM CARREY GUY: Helllooo? I'm here, y'know?

He attacks, and an epic car chase follows. Actually, it's not epic, it's great. No, it's barely great. It's not great. It's a little boring. It's boring. It's hella boring. OHMAIGAWD IT'S SO BORING LIKE WOW! Cue inception-esque ending in water, like finally.

FRED: Yo, that was rad. Wanna chill at my place?

HIRO: Your only useful contribution and just barely? Sure, why not.

FRED'S MANSION: *being big and shit*

FRED: A giant mansion, castle, and I'm like, a hipster prince. Will you like me now?

AUDIENCE: Dream on, pal.

FRED: I'm also voiced by T.J Miller.

AUDIENCE: ...ok, maybe a little.

They walk into the mansion and speculate about the mask-fetish guy.

HIRO: Woow, who could possibly be the bad guy? I'm super smart but I have noooooo single clue. Derp.

FRED: The guy who's voiced by Alan Tyduk, duh. He messed things up in _Wreck-It Ralph_ and _Frozen_ , why would this movie be an exception?

WASABI: Taking trope "Playing Against Type" into consideration? Also, he's too high-profile.

FRED: So was King Candy and the Duke of Weselton.

WASABI: Yeah, but...

FRED: IT'S KREI AND NOBODY ELSE, DAMN YOU! When are you gonna listen?!

HIRO: Yeah, it's definitely Krei, nobody else.

CLICHÉ-RADAR: *out of function*

HIRO: And to catch him, we need to become suddenly badass super heroes! Huh, that popped into my head just now.

GOGO: Why can't we just ask the government to help us?

HIRO: Because I want to perverse you into killing machines too, obviously!

HONEY LEMON: But...

HIRO: You protesting, my meat puppet bitch?

CLICHÉ-RADAR: *really, really out of function*

PERVERSING MONTAGE: *set to cool music*

MY EMPTY BRAIN: *set to elevator music*

Baymax is now upgraded into CTHULHU...'s much weaker relative alike. Somewhere poor villagers are using vires on Tadashi's grave and harnesses the energy from his constant ROLLING OVER, getting richer and fast.

HIRO: IT'S ALIVE!

BAYMAX: I sure am.

WASABI: We all are.

HIRO: _**You talk back? What brave creatures you are.**_

GOGO: So, are we gonna catch that thief or what?

HIRO: As the leader of the pack, I say aye! Let's go!

HONEY LEMON: Hold on! Why should we bring you along? You're still suffering from the loss of your brother, so it's a higher risk you'll only act on impulses and do something drastic. It's a very, very bad idea.

HIRO: _**I feed on enemies' suffering.**_

GOGO: Are you nuts? This could be the first movie wherein the protagonist is left out of the gang of superheroes, which could help the selling charts due to uniqueness. Why do we have to blow it on your pathetic, temporary mood swings?

HIRO: _**With cereal.**_

FRED: Yikes, let's just do what he says. We're Disney anyway. We'll always sell good, no matter how much we suck.

ELSA OF ARENDALLE: You got that right!

They follow the sensor thing to a SUPER SECRET LAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN, COMPLETELY ABANDONED...and it's AWESOME.

CLICHÉ-RADAR: *completely obliterated*

HIRO: Oh, look! A completely unguarded secret chamber!

GOGO: Oh, look! There's also a big computer with super secret information, as well as a recording of some event!

FRED: Oh, look! We're infiltrating someone's privacy!

HIRO: Let's see...let's see...junk, junk, junk, junk, Krei did something cruel, junk...

FRED: See, I told you! It's only Krei and nobody else! It's not Callaghan who would have a motive against him or anything.

HIRO: Hooray for misconception!

MASK GUY: *appears*

HIRO: Arghh! Will you quit sneaking up on us like that?!

MASK GUY: I wouldn't be a classic butt-abusing villain then, would I?

GOGO: Good point.

MASK GUY: NOW, EAT THIS, MORTAL PEASANTS, FOR I AM GOD!

Said statement is followed with said villain attacking them with TINY PIECES OF MECHANICAL METAL. That sounds so narmy out of context. It sounds kind of narmy IN context, anyway.

The Marvel wannabes try their hand at fighting back, and as you would expect from teenagers without previous crime-fighting experience, they kinda suck. However, Hiro beats him into the floor by...leaping at him by complete accident.

HIRO: Oh, accident power, how I love you. Now, reveal yourself Krei, and nobody else!

Mask guy turns around and reveals to be-DRAMATIC CHIPMUNK-err, I mean, Callaghan.

 **AUDIENCE : ****Wow, what a huge surprise that was. It wasn't hinted by double subversion of clichés and maybe the computer dropping a crapload of red threads or anything.**

 **WRITERS:** **Yay, we managed! We surprised you! We** _ **completely**_ **fooled you! We're so clever! We're the cleverest people on Earth!**

 **AUDIENCE : ****...You know what? Let's just stop talking here.**

Hiro shakily points at Callaghan, not believing his eyes.

HIRO: Holy crap! It's you...!

CALLAGHAN: Yes...it's me. I stole your microbots.

HIRO: ...You're Robin Williams!

CALLAGHAN: Oh, come on!

WASABI: *whispers in Hiro's ear*

HIRO: I mean, CALLAGHAN?! What the hell? What are you doing with my microbots? Why are you wearing this mask? What are you doing? What what what?

CALLAGHAN: I won't tell you right now. Instead I will insult your dead brother.

HIRO: Oh, really? You think that will set me off? I'm getting used to his death. It's kind of relieving what with me having mighty control over his experiments and meat puppets. There's nothing you can say to-

CALLAGHAN: If I looked like the result of a Boku no Pico threesome I wouldn't talk like that.

HIRO: Okay, insult _me,_ and you're getting it! GO TO HADES!

Hiro removes Baymax's happy card, leaving the evil card in, making him go full-blown TERMINATOR on Callaghan's ass.

BAYMAX: Must kill. Destroy. YOLO. SWAG.

HONEY LEMON: Noooo stop, this is soooo wrong! It's so wrong to kill! It's so evil to say those things! Stop trying to kill Callaghan, let him be a revenge-obsessed monster with murderous intent for now! *inserts correct card into Baymax*

CALLAGHAN: Hasta la vista, baby! *runs off*

HIRO: You bitch, he got away! Now we have a murderous psychopath on the premises, all thanks to your rambling!

GOGO: But...but...killing is soooooo wroooooong.

HIRO: I hate you so much.

 **MALE AUDIENCE** **: Back at ya.**

 **FEMALE AUDIENCE** **: Someone's not getting laid tonight.**

 **MALE AUDIENCE** **: Ohh, me and my big mouth!**

Hiro takes off with Baymax to fix his malfunction that made him murderous. Actually, it's not a malfunction. It's common sense.

BAYMAX: Stop it, Hiro. Killing is wrong.

HIRO: He left my brother to die! That bastard said it was his fault that he died in that fire! This son of a bitch bastard is stealing my inventions to pursue murderous goals! That jackass son of a bitch bastard piece of shitcrap...! *desperately trying to open Baymax's port*

BAYMAX: Don't kill him. It's wrong.

HIRO: HE LEFT MY BROTHER TO DIE IN THAT FIRE! HE DIDN'T HELP HIM! He's probably off to do illegal stuff as we speak. Stop what you're doing, fatrump! OPEN YOUR *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP*ing ACCESS PORT! Gosh*invented swear*!

BAYMAX: ...Killing is wrong.

HIRO: ...Okay, you win.

BAYMAX: Yes, I do.

Conveniently, the misfit gang found their whereabouts.

GOGO: It's okay, Hiro. Tadashi will always live on in our hearts and memories.

HONEY LEMON: And incest yaoi fanfics written by sexually frustrated teenage girls.

FRED: And in that hentai manga that's taking the rounds on the web.

HIRO: You're kind of not making me feel better.

FRED: Sorry.

WASABI: At least we now know you're not the love child of Uchiha Sasuke and Eren Jaeger as we suspected when you threw a pissyfit.

HIRO: That's a relief. So, is this the part where we found out Callaghan had a motive against Krei?

HONEY LEMON: We covered that earlier, because the author of this "fanfic" took everything in the wrong order, and is now writing our lampshading dialogue as an excuse.

HIRO: Man, what a loser. Anyway, let's go, or as we say in this Japanese-esque country, IKUSO!

They arrive just as Callaghan is trying to kill Krei.

KREI: Please, spare me! That thing with your daughter was an accident! I didn't sleep with her!

CALLAGHAN: Really...? That's all you got to convince me not to kill you? That's cute.

KREI: Man, what they say is true; meeting your father-in-law is the worst experience ever.

CALLAGHAN: What are you talking about? I'm angry because she was sent into a portal you had responsibility for or some junk.

KREI: Oh, right. What I said, uh...that was not true.

CALLAGHAN: I was planning to just kill you, now I will also castrate you!

KREI: Mama.

Hiro an co arrives.

HIRO: Professor Callaghan, killing is wrong!

CALLAGHAN: He sent my only daughter into that portal, making me lose everything I had!

HIRO: Killing is wrong!

CALLAGHAN: He also-

HIRO: Killing is wrong!

CALLAGHAN: But-

HIRO: Killing is W-R-O-N-G!

CALLAGHAN: ARRGGHH!

The epic battles of EPIC begins, with Hiro getting thrown away as well as Baymax. The others run in to the rescue, but completely and utterly fails. Why are they even trying?

HIRO: Guys! Stop sucking!

They DO. And they also OBLITERATE the microbot berg. Wow, speech can go far. Not that my speeches have ever gone far. Man, do I stink. The epic battles of EPIC continue and Callaghan is out of microbits, I mean, bots. No wait, bits.

HIRO: Haha, we're showing we're better people by sparing you!

CALLAGHAN: Go die in a fire. *pwned*

BAYMAX: I sense life inside that portal! We should dive in to save that life!

HIRO: Okay! Life-saving, yay!

KREI: It's dangerous, you will die!

HIRO: Nobility. That's something you lack. What you don't lack is a BLUE EVIL SUIT.

KREI: Touché.

They do and...end up in SUGAR RUSH.

HIRO: What the Hellen of troy?

BAYMAX: Yeah, far out, dude.

They found whoever they came for, Abigail, and gets back safe, and they live happily ever after and have babies named Burt and Berta- Wait, what did you say? That's not the end? I apologize, but my perfect ending has to be ruined for a tearjerking orgy.

BAYMAX: There's a way to get you two out. But it will leave me here. Goodbye, Boo.

HIRO: Kitty?

BAYMAX: Kitty has to go.

Hiro and Abigail get out safely, while Baymax is left behind with the camera panning out from him.

 **AUDIENCE : ****This is so cliché...but IT'S STILL SOOOO SAAAAAD! WWAAAAHH!**

Cue Where Are They Now? ending. Hiro is healing after the trauma conga line, and his friends are there to help because they're friends. But as it turns out, dun-dun-duuun, Baymax had somehow held the computer thing card and HIRO IS DECLINED THE WOOBIE THRONE.

BAYMAX: I'm back, bitches.

HIRO: Me love you long time!

 **AUDIENCE:** **Not for long. Credits, go.**

HIRO: Wait, let me just say a few things. This has been a hell of a ride. I first lost my brother and then the robot equivalent of him. I somehow feel this was fate. That me and my friends would become heroes out of nowhere. We're not as mentally stable as all those hero gangs and we're far from the badassness of Superman/Batman/Goku, we're even far from the badassness of Winx Club, but fog it, we're _BIG HERO 6_ and we're here to stay!

 **AUDIENCE : ****No, you're not. Credits, go. Fanfiction spamming, go.**

 _Currently in the fanfiction world:_

FANFIC!HIRO: Tadashi, now that you're magically back to life, I want to say I'm both gay and I want to commit underage incest with you.

FANFIC!TADASHI: Oh, Hiro! I'm also gay and not thinking that I may end up in jail, I just love you too much! I also want to have yaoi shota incest sex with you!

FANFIC!GOGO: Well, this is disturbing.

FANFIC!HIRO/FANFIC!TADASHI: *hardcore mature adult frenching*

FANFIC WRITERS: *jacking off*

FANFIC!WASABI: Okay, this is getting twisted! Whoever you are, stop this fanf-

 **~THE END~**

* * *

 **A/N: Huh huh, I'm evol XP If you got offended by anything, keep in mind that this is a parody and I had no intention of insulting anyone, I'm just using some stereotypes. Oh, and I'm all for the "killing/revenge is wrong" message because...well, it is wrong and terrible. However, they went a bit Anvilicious with it, and that annoyed me. Keep in mind too that I have nothing against Hiro. I just like to exaggerate his negative traits for amusement :D**

 **Please leave a review! I adore them, mean or nice! :)**


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